🔗 Share this article Balancing the Desire for Casual Encounters Whilst Pursuing a Committed Partnership As a gay man in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, largely pleasurable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved casual sex. Whenever I start seeing a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with other men once more. Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed demanding, frequently resulting in lots of pain and jealousy for everyone involved. In many ways, I want another man to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just continue to have spontaneous encounters and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I’m feeling somewhat confused. Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle various forms of intimate connections as fixed. What you need in your current state could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. At some point you could encounter someone offering a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you may choose that non-committal encounters are best for you. Worrying about the future and playing the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your energy. Try to be present with your partners, and see the worth of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. When and if you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know. The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.