These Phrases given by A Dad Which Helped Me during my time as a New Father

"I think I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of being a father.

However the truth rapidly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple words "You are not in a healthy space. You must get support. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now better used to addressing the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a larger failure to communicate amongst men, who still internalise damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a display of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to request a respite - spending a few days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a friend, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, on occasion I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."